Friendship is one of those things we all think we’re good at until something weird happens. And then the whole circle comes crumbling down over something small.
Even the strongest friendships need some ground rules to survive. Here are some rules about friendship worth knowing and keeping.
1. Show Up
At its core, friendship is about being present. You show up for your friends when it counts. That means when they are celebrating, and also when they just need someone to sit on the couch with and say nothing.
Even when life gets busy (and it will), being present reminds them that they matter; and in friendship, that’s everything.
2. Check In, Just Because
When life happens and you can’t show up, check in. Let your friend know you think of them even from a distance.
And at times, you don’t need a particular reason to call. Check in just because they are your friend.
Send that meme that made you laugh or a quick voice note saying, ‘Hope your week isn’t trash.’ That unexpected text can shift their entire day. So, go ahead and send it.
3. Don’t Compete
There’s no trophy for outshining your friend. It’s not a sport. When something good happens to them, like a new job or relationship, your role isn’t to one-up them. Sure, you can use it as motivation, but you need to cheer them up as if it were your win too.
Likewise, when you are winning, your friend should celebrate you. It’s a two-way street. If you find yourselves trying to outdo each other, chances are that friendship won’t last.
4. Honest but not Brutal
Good friends tell each other the truth. But honesty doesn’t have to be brutal. Truth hits better when it comes from a place of love.
You can let your friend know their new haircut isn’t really working without saying they look like a wet mop. The goal isn’t to disparage them but rather to correct them with kindness.
5. Be Happy for Them, Even If You’re Struggling
It’s never easy to clap for someone’s life achievements when yours feels like a mess. But that’s what being a good friend is about. You show up and be happy for them even when it stings a little.
If your friend lands their dream job and you just got laid off, still celebrate them. If they got engaged while you are fresh from a breakup, congratulate them.
That’s a sign of emotional maturity. And a real friend will celebrate you just as loudly when your time comes.
6. Boundaries Still Exist
You are close, but that doesn’t mean you own each other. Space and respect still exist even in the best of friendships. If they say no, maybe they are not being harsh. They are setting boundaries. And that’s healthy.
Real friends know where the line is and not overstepping just because ‘we are tight.’
7. Be Loyal in Rooms They’re Not In
They are your friends when they are beside you, and when they are not. When someone brings their name up in a shady way, be the first to shut it down. And when you hear gossip about them, do not engage.
When people are talking badly about your friend and you remain quiet, you are part of the problem. True friends have each other’s backs even when no one’s watching.
8. Apologize When You Mess Up
‘I’m sorry, I messed up.’ That’s all it takes to make things right.
No one gets it right all the time, not even you. When you wrong your friend, own it and apologize. No egos, no excuses. Sometimes, we let pride cost us good people.
9. Let Them Evolve
Your friend won’t freeze in the version you first met them. They are going to grow and change, maybe even move cities and ditch the old crowd. With time, they may become someone totally different from the one you knew.
That’s life, and it’s okay. Allow them to grow. Don’t despise them or try to drag them back into who they used to be. Instead, cheer for their evolution and support them however you can.
10. Take Their Secrets to the Grave
When someone tells you something in confidence, they do so because they trust you. It’s deeply personal to them, and you have to protect it like it’s yours. Even if you fall out in the future, you can’t use it for gossip or leverage.
Trust is sacred; don’t weaponize it.
Be the Friend You’d Want to Have
Maybe being a good friend isn’t so hard. The rule is simple: give the kind of love and effort you hope to receive. Be the friend you want to have.
Ask yourself: would you want to be friends with you? If not, maybe it’s time to start there.
